So another week, can’t believe it is actually week 17. I have undertaken ‘clean keto April’ so am attempting no artificial sweeteners and no cheese, I don’t think the cheese thing is going to last if I am perfectly honest.
The other part of it is no weighing for a month, as those who have read through my updates previously, last time I attempted a no weigh in month I failed miserably, but I am prepared to give it another go and so far so good. I am finding it is making me be stricter as not knowing where I am on the scales means I don’t want to overeat at all, just in case.
I am settled in for the long haul well and truly now and all my unrealistic goals are going out the window, as in what size when or how many kilos by when. My body will decide how and when it wants to lose. I have some ‘squishy bits’ at the moment, which usually indicated a whoosh is coming. A whoosh being that when we lose fat our bodies fill the empty fat cells with water expecting them to be refilled, after a while the body realises they are not going to be refilled and so collapses the cells and release the water – hence a whoosh. So it is actually fat you lost a while ago that shows up on the scales when the water is released as by volume water is very heavy.
My other practise is being in the moment as much as possible, I can go into spirals of anxiety if I think about the past and all my wrong decisions. By saying to myself ‘in this moment everything is perfect, I am warm and comfortable, the sun is shining everything is fine.’ It pulls me out of bad thinking and allows me to just be and move on.
I haven’t had a great run in life, I had a bad start with my mother leaving as a child and a horrible stepmother so my self-esteem and belief in my worth have always been low. Then being infertile while I watched all my friends have children I have been through periods of serious depression. A large part of my healing is believing that I have worth even though I am not a wife or mother – which is difficult in a society that sees a woman only value as a sex object, wife and mother. I think these feelings also led me to find solace in food ‘it never let me down’, although of course it completely let me down.
So being in the moment allows me to concentrate on the here and now and build some self esteem. It is helping and if you are having a day when it all seems to hard and losing 40kg is an impossible mountain to climb just pull back to the here and now. All we have is this very moment.
Have a great week and keto on xx